


completion (it's not enough for me)

by heinrichfrei



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: M/M, zukaang week 2013
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-22
Updated: 2013-03-22
Packaged: 2017-12-06 03:15:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/730893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heinrichfrei/pseuds/heinrichfrei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>he picks blue, the antithesis of red. fires burn completely in the presence of oxygen, bursting into a flame so pure it glows blue. that is what he is when he wears the blue spirit.</p><p>(set in the first season; referencing the episodes "the blue spirit" up to "the siege of the north i, ii")</p>
            </blockquote>





	completion (it's not enough for me)

he wears the blue spirit like a second skin - taut, smooth, graceful, detached, much like where he stands in this world that treats him much like a stranger, never its son. it is a meditation on being cut off from the warmth one desperately seeks, as swords never lie, never deceive. they are as they are, cold, complete, their forms withstanding manipulation, their forms unwavering. perhaps that is how the common, nonbending folks survive and live, their constancy a solace to the everchanging elements. zuko has always been a hot-tempered and insecure child, but in the quiet strength of his broad swords, he is their calm and controlled master.

it is as if he finds himself in the movements of his feet, delicate and light, carrying him into places he should not be in. it is as if he finds himself in the swishing of the swords, deadly, felling preys to their sides with equal grace and less flair than that of a firebending attack. it is as if he finds himself removed from his burden for once, far away from what fire gives and fire takes in return, and for what he fails to provide.

he wears the blue spirit honestly; his own face he wears like a mask, living up to the expectations of his birthright. the blue spirit is free, and comes and goes as it pleases, its face unchanging.

he picks blue, the antithesis of red. fires burn completely in the presence of oxygen, bursting into a flame so pure it glows blue. that is what he is when he wears the blue spirit.

absolution.

sometimes that is enough for him. sometimes.

so he wears the blue spirit, his second skin, the skin he is meant to grow into, the black cotton encasing his form in a tight embrace, and zuko, the fire nation's banished prince, disappears into the night. the blue spirit lives in the light footwork he makes of the walls of general zhao's stronghold. the blue spirit lives in the ease of opening doors and clearing passageways. the blue spirit lives in the completeness of actions; where zuko falters, the blue spirit picks up.

zuko fails to capture the avatar. the blue spirit slips stealthily into the prisoner's room, saves the prisoner, and encourages an escape. aang does not know the blue spirit, but he recognizes an act of kindness when he sees one, even if the motives are not clear. an escape opportunity is always welcomed, and never bite the hand that feeds you. the both of them make light work of the guards on their way out, their nimbleness gets them far - aang on the power of the air, the blue spirit on grace.

even as they are chased down by the fire nation guards, it is beautiful to be up close to the avatar while he airbends. the winds are at his will. the avatar summons a gust of wind as a shield from the guards, enveloping the blue spirit within his protection, and zuko's mask slips slightly. the rush of energy, so calmly controlled by the avatar, is the embodiment of completion. the blue spirit admires this. zuko clenches his fists, ashamed of his weakness.

zhao turns up and demands for the return of the avatar. swiftly, the blue spirit holds the avatar ransom, blades scraping the edge of his neck, his back pressed against the blue spirit's chest. the blue spirit can feel the avatar tensing up as soon as the blades connect, but exhales as he deduces the intent of the blue spirit. how trustworthy, the blue spirit muses, the avatar surrendering completely to the will of the fates yet taking full control of this situation. beneath the mask, zuko struggles, the need to just disappear with the avatar for his own steadfast purpose of regaining his honor becoming stronger.

the blue spirit wins. he leaves with the avatar held captive, only to be attacked by the best archers in the kingdom he has sworn to protect. he remembers darkness catching up with him.

 

*

aang is surprised to find zuko behind the blue mask, and his first instinct is to run. the kidnapping is not a pretense. it is real.

he steps back, and plans to leave before he stops himself.

it is an act of kindness, even if the doer is zuko and his motives are selfish.

 

*

aang stares at zuko, wondering what it will be like if they are from a time of peace, where nations are friends. when people like themselves are friends. that is a world that is not difficult for him to imagine.

  
*

  
zuko wakes up to the voice of the avatar, and it is not a dream. somehow, the blue spirit still clings onto his consciousness, listening attentively at aang's story of a seemingly impossible friendship - one that is innocently whole and pure. zuko closes his eyes. he does not know why that upsets him.

"if we knew each other back then, do you think we could be friends too?"

zuko does not have friends, even if the blue spirit yearns for it.

 

*

they meet again, and again, but always as zuko, always as the avatar. always as opposing ends. always in flux. always incomplete.

*

the blue spirit dreams of fires burning so pure, so blue. zuko dreams of red, red fires, from his palms, from his body, from his being, burning him up and wakes up drenched in sweat of nightmares of never making it back to the fire nation, of never restoring his honor, of never getting the recognition he so craves from his father, of never being a complete person.

sometimes, sometimes, in his dream, he is cocooned by a gust of wind, and the red flames that engulfed him turns blue, so brilliantly blue, he wakes up aching for that completion.

 

*

it is moments like these when he wishes he has access to the mask. there are no special powers behind it - merely a beautifully constructed artifact that solidifies the vague outlines of his nebulous self, but it is that he needs as a shield. but that will not do on his quest to infiltrate the northern water tribe's stronghold to kidnap the avatar.

it is not easy, for he has to battle a much more agile and skillful waterbender in katara. she has the upper hand, too, as the moon is on her side. but soon the sun rises, and so does his strength, and in one single move he defeats her and takes off with the avatar.

aang's body glows in the avatar state, a quiet hum of white-blue aura. zuko carries him off into the distance, the walk in the snow painfully long and silent, but strangely companionable. he finds a cave and hides in it, bounding the avatar with ropes. he chuckles to himself. those ropes are futile. the avatar will probably break out of it soon enough. but he needs to believe that sometimes this may be all it takes.

zuko stares at aang. the younger boy's expression is quiet, at peace, still himself despite being distant spiritually. what an irony, zuko shakes his head. the blue spirit finds you irresistible, zuko whispers. you are complete. he is complete. i am not. between the two of you, i am the broken one. i need you in order to go home, and things will be right again. will we ever be friends? maybe never. but once i get home, maybe i will be complete, and we will not be so different after all.

reaching out softly, zuko touches aang's cheek. his fingers linger before they move to stop at the avatar's lips, feeling the warmth, wondering how it feels like to burn up completely, for it to be just enough.

**Author's Note:**

> also partly inspired by Olafur Arnalds' [Old Skin](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PXkc2GLPl6I)
> 
>  
> 
> _treading lightly, tightly shedding its old skin_  
>  _leaving trails of night for light to bring chagrin_  
>  _while air grows thin_


End file.
